@dbwarner5 i did a backup of the isy before i started, that's why i was able to restore it back when i had all of these problems, i'm not upgrading the zwave module, it is already 4.55, which is good because i don't own a second zwave control device to transfer primary to... but anyhow, not needed for this.
i followed the step by step at the beginning of this thread, the list i posted is what happened when I did so.
i did the firmware upgrade, did the zwave synchronize, which brought back the devices by number but with no names.. and scenes were empty
tried one time to continue the process and let the programs update, but many were broken
tried one time to actually restore my old back up on top of this, just to see what would happen, yeah that wasn't wise, so i reset and rolled back again
and tried one more time to manually rename all of the zwave devices back to their correct names before clicking on programs, that took a long time and didn't make anything work better
between each attempt above, i rolled back firmware, restored my backup, and manually had to re-add email config which for some reason doesn't come back from the backup. then i tried again...