Punny stories, mexed mitaphors, and goonerisms spalore

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Post your favorites!

 

Here's a real easy one to get started:

 

Keep your nose to the ground, your ear to the wheel, and your shoulder to the grindstone.

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There's a silver sow's ear in the silk lining of every cloudy purse.

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Two hats are sitting on a shelf. One says to the other, "You wait here. I'll go on ahead."

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"I'll go on a head."

[rhughes]

Direct quotes from my Step Daughter:

 

"I should've tooken honors English."

 

"I want to go out for a sport that doesn't make me sweat."

 

7th Grade Teacher: "Name one of the original 13 colonies."

Step Daughter: "Japan?"

 

She just graduated from college with a 3.48 GPA, so there's still hope

 

She comes by it honestly. When my wife was a girl, she and a friend were eating some raisin pie and the friend asked: "Is this a currant pie?" After a second, my wife responded: "Yes, my mom made it this morning."

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Hahaha... very good, Randy! I love quotes.

 

Back in '84, I had a new car that was full of electronic goodies, one of which was a system monitor. It had on the dash a graphic picture of the car, and various parts of the graphic would light up if something was amiss (lights on, bulb burned out, overheating, oil pressure, brake pads, etc.). It also had a voice which would announce each event.

 

Once a passenger got into the car and didn't quite close the door all the way. On the graphic, the passenger door lit up, and the voice said "Your door is ajar." Without missing a beat, the passenger replied, "Well, which is it? A door or a jar?"

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Statistically, five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

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When they couldn't decide on a name for the new country, Canada's founding fathers (all three of them) got together to perform the following ritual: one would hold the hat, one would pick letters from the hat and call them out, and the third would record the letters called.

 

It went something like this:

 

"C, eh?"

 

"N, eh?"

 

"D, eh?"

[AudraBattle]

That's cool there are people who are able to understand that kind of jokes.

My faves are:

,,I used to sell computer parts, but then I lost my drive.''

,,I used to be a railroad conductor, but my boss found out I wasn't trained.''

,,A cat ate some cheese and waited for a mouse with baited breath.''